"NOISE" concerns & merry christmas

A CIA Contractor Christmas

12Xmas

Day One. Partridge in a pear tree: During the night-shift at the NSA, Booz Allen contractors suddenly have their online Christmas shopping interrupted when Booz Allen proprietary counterterrorist data-mining algorithms note an unusual spike in internet chatter of "persons of interest" using the term "partridge in a pear tree." Their NSA Contracting Officer's Technical Rep is alerted.



Day Two. Two turtle doves. At the NSA, SAIC contractors discover a correlation between "partridge in a pear tree" and "two turtle doves." The NSA notifies the CIA. CIA analysts who are new to the job due to high Agency turnover do not recognize the turtle-dove/partridge-in-a-pear-tree pattern, but speculate that the combination of phrases indicates that a terrorist plan may have gone operational. The White House is briefed.



Day Three. Three French Hens. Sources on the ground in Paris are unable to corroborate indications of French involvement. Officers in the National Clandestine Service suspect the French hens are a false-flag and secretly hope that the Russians are back in the game. Due to strong political pressure from the White House, CIA analysts concede that the Iranian involvement cannot be ruled out.

CIA interrogators at a black site in Burkina Faso send a cable to Headquarters requesting permission to gut slap an al Qaeda detainee who may hold valuable information.



Day Four. Four Calling Birds. At the behest of the Administration, AT&T, MCI, Sprint and Verizon all hand over their calling data to third-party data warehousing companies that do not face the same legal restrictions as the telcos, creating a rendition program of sorts for data. The data warehousers frantically sift through calls.

CIA interrogators at the African black site are frustrated when Headquarters requests more details about potential information that could be acquired from the detainee if he is slapped. They curse the lawyers and compose a response. A senior contractor overseeing facilities management at the site quips that they should suggest the detainee may volunteer information about five golden rings, but he never thinks the kids running the interrogation would not get the joke. The 26 year-old case officer in charge of the interrogation cables Headquarters that the detainee likely holds information about five golden rings.



Day Five. Five Golden Rings. New NSA intercepts discover "persons of interest" discussing "Five Golden Rings." With this new development, CIA analysts suspect terrorists are plotting to use five dirty bombs to radiate large areas of US metropolitan areas.

The Deputy Director of National Clandestine Service is excited that one of the black site detainee may know about the golden rings. Over the objections of his Assistant General Counsel, the Deputy Director approves the slap.



Day Six. Six Geese-A-Laying. A blogger who monitors al Qaeda internet sites and chat rooms contacts the Office of the Director of National Intelligence to alert them to a suspicious discussion among al Qaeda sympathizers about "six geese-a-laying." The ODNI passes the intel along to the CIA and NSA and as word of the sites spread among Intelligence Community members, the sites are slammed with new visitors
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